Dollface

hawaii

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 06:33:55 GMT

November 7-15 I will be GONE to Maui.

My ticket is already paid for and I'm ready to get the fuck outa here.

im going to be spending LOTS of time on the beach, riding around on a bike, and horse back ridding,

this is just what i need.

MOVIES!

Sat, 23 Sep 2006 05:36:34 GMT

hes amazing <3. Id sooooo do him

Jackass II. Fantastic.

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 10:11:46 GMT

its 3 am and I dont give a shit about the spelling in my next entry.

an epiphany.

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 10:07:59 GMT

I have come to realize something VERY important. All this based on people judging me, talking their shit, and causing needles high school drama. All things i have for the most part left behind on a serious note anyways.

Appearantly I'm spoiled, and I dont appriciate things. Well you know what? They are right. I dont appriciate MOST things, and thats where they are wrong. People are so VERY wrong to judge me so quickly. I have a different appriciation. Of things that actually matter, things that will still be here and continue on, unlike material posessions. I appriciate things like art, music, writting, movies, and place value on friends, family, and some material things. Why? Because really, things that matter are tied to emotion, these are all things that make you feel. Do you really think that brand new car is going to be there and last forever. Nope. But things like movies and music, never lose their face value. Yes people change, but good friends and family are seemingly amazing when done right. So what I dont appriciate my newest clothes. I care about the necklace I recieved from Crisnar yesterday. Why? Because someone very close to me gave it to me and ithas more to it than just any other peice of jewelry, it came from someone I see as my family, and that I don't see very often and I cherish our time together. To me that is more important than anything. I have appriciation for life. All the things people take for granted. Well if you think of me anything less than appriciative for stuff, then screw you. I have more appriciation for life than you ever will. You will never be satisfied with your own life. But someday I will be, in time I promise you I'll love my life more than you'll ever love yourself. Why? Because you judge me and you are very very wrong. There is more to me then meets the eye.I am a very DEEP person when you really know me. So have fun with your drama and your shallow meaningless lives.

ps I think its cute how old movie stars and old time singers are only good for a FAD. Like all the marylin monroe shit? So how many people can actually name a movie done by actors like, Gene Kelly, Debbie Renoylds, Gordon Mcrae, Doris Day, Audry Hepburn, Kathrine Hepburn, Humphrey Bogart? Whos seen movies like Gypsy, Kiss Me Kate, African Queen, On Moonlight Bay, Calamity Jane, Oklahoma, Roman Holiday, Sabrina, I Love Melvin. I know 2 people that are near my age. Thats pretty sad. Johnny Cash wasn't appriciated until he died and the movie came out. Nobody gave a SHIT about his last few songs they played on MTV, or did anybody really notice? I'm glad people enjoy this shit, but they only care because of a fad.

Food

Wed, 13 Sep 2006 23:40:54 GMT

FUDDRUCKERS!!! <3 yummy.

idiocracy.

Wed, 13 Sep 2006 05:02:39 GMT

GOOD MOVIE!

but not whatI wanted to gripe about.

MY PSYCH TEACHER IS AN IDIOT.

who prounounces epinephrine

e PINE FRINE?

Suicidality, NOT even a word. Where does she come up with this stuff? Nice teacher, just not very bright.

i need a real live hug.

My life up till NOW

Mon, 11 Sep 2006 21:41:16 GMT

FUCK MY LIFE....

Geeze where the HELL am I going. I'm SO lost I dont know whats up and whats down. I know what I want, but that doesn't mean Ill get it, even though its SO basic.

I know some of the things I want to happen, will. I feel like my life is passing me by, but with time that will stop. The only reason I feel that way is because of my PTSD. It causes emtional blocks, I can't even remember the most random moments of my life, I can't get motivated, I can't do everyday things, and I honestly... DONT KNOW WHY. Nobody understands it, i dont even understand, and I HATE it. But I'm starting counseling soon so I will pass this trial.

I have a few GOOD friends that help... GREATLY. I probably wouldnt have called to set up an appointment to start therapy if it weren't for kevin. And Jon is great, he knows and is the only one who REALLY knows whats up with Mickey and I, and he is so supportive.

As for Mickey and I, I believe we can get through anything. I caused everything thats wrong, so I wont abandon him, I will help him and be there for him. He IS the love of my life and who I want to spend my life with.

I just wish I weren't so antisocial. I want more friends, I'm a good friend, I try not to cause drama or anything, I just want ppl to have good times with :)

Wed, 31 Aug 2005 06:38:08 GMT

I must be lucky.

I got a job that pays 10.50 an hour and like right now like rediculous overtime so im getting 15.75 an hour for over time. i've already got like several hours and its been 2 days.

I litterally get paid to do near nothing. I sit on my ass, arrange paper work, cash out a few people, walk people out to check out loaner cars. nothing that takes a brain or any real effort. the hardest thing is counting out the cash drawer. yeah.

its sad that i got 7.50 for getting stressed out, less hours, and 10.50 for sitting on my ass with more hours, and better hours at that.

i had to explain what a dirty sanchez, and angry dragon, bukakke, and golden showers were to the receptionist and the other cashier lady, and they are both like 40 lmao. they rock.

no effin way.

Thu, 25 Aug 2005 06:24:27 GMT

I seriously thought i'd NEVER get a job paying more than like 7.50 an hour. Nothing but shitty jobs that pay, well shit. I just applied to jobs that paid like 10/12 bucks an hour just for the hell of it, because you never know what could happen. I'm SOOOO glad I did that cuz I got a job at SAAB of santa ana as a cashier basicly doing paper work and of course cashiering and i get to drive cars too :). I'm getting 10.50 an hour, i would have started at 10 an hour but since i made that doing the telethon at TBN he wanted to pay me a little bit more and was like "We'll start you at 10.50 that way its the most you've ever made" The manager is really cool. At first he was just like "you know I really wanna give you this position" and then after talking to me another 10 minutes he made up his mind and pulled out a paper basicly saying that aslong as i pass my drug test and what not that I would definately be working there. And I dont do drugs or anything so i have NOTHING to worry about :) and the hours are perfect 9-6 monday through friday and every other saturday which means three day weekends every other weekend.

i wanna start already. oh and the other good thing is i dont have to worry about the dorky blue shirt i have to wear cuz nobody i know is gonna be comming into my work, its all old people. haha.

Mon, 08 Aug 2005 18:30:39 GMT

Congrats Sharky on Graduation from boot camp and on your promotion!

fuck it.

Mon, 25 Jul 2005 17:40:50 GMT

I've lost almost everything I love to death and mistakes. Human nature is the worst condition God created.

The only thing I have now is more to lose. I'm just gonna fucking leave and pretend it never happened.

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 20:02:02 GMT

losing someone you love to death is the hardest thing you will ever go through.

Its nearly impossible to know they are at peace, when you dont know whats waiting ahead for them on the other side.
             Heaven?                                    Hell?
                                   Nothing?                                                  Re-encarnation?
Pain?                                     Joy?                          Solitude?
                                                         Suffering?
Other loved ones that have passed before us?

What if someone we love is sent to hell, and we are sent to heaven... is it really heaven if loved ones aren't there waiting for you? Or do you just not care they are suffering for all eternity far worse then they ever did in this world, and you are sentenced to an eternity of joyus splender?

Or do we just become... Nothing.

It doesn't seem like Grandpas really gone, everytime I'm at the house, im expecting him to come walking in from the back room all dressed up in his scout uniform, but then I remember pulling out all his awards and other prized scouting possesions so they can be displayed at his funeral.

I'd give up everything just to have him back.

the hardest night of my life

Sun, 19 Jun 2005 15:22:07 GMT

Last night was the hardest night of my life, my grandpa (basicly my DAD) died. he died at 9:55. We were going to see Batman and it was about to start and my phone started buzzing, and when i saw that it was my grandma on the caller id, i knew what happened. She called me at 10:15 and said "your grandpa died at 9:55." So she said that everyone was going to meet up at the hospital to see him one last time. And the last fucking thing i said to him was "you better still be here tomorrow so i can come see you" and he died. I dont get to see him today. and its fathers day. The doctors said that he was gonna live atleast another week, so we were gonna bring him home. Well they couldn't find a place for him, so they moved him up stairs, took him off all his ivs and other wires except for his oxygen tank.

I couldn't sleep last night, i just had the worst feeling consuming me preventing me from sleeping, i'm so scared and so said, Im afraid that im gonna wake up or find his ghost standing in front of me or something so now im having trouble even being alone to use the bathroom. I feel like im totally phsycotic. I didn't fall asleep this morning until 5, and even then i kept waking up every 15 minutes exactly and then i kept making myself go back to sleep. And now I have to be up because all of my family is meeting at my grandparents house in long beach....

I guess we are having him cremated and put in the mosilium across the street from my grandparents house.

rest in peace pops, your suffering is over now, and im going to miss you so terribly bad. Happy fathers day, thank you for being such a great dad and grampa.

Donald G. Robertson July 15, 1923- June 18, 2005...

<3

Thu, 26 May 2005 06:21:13 GMT

<3 my pops is soo messy...

angel games are fun... Even if they do lose.

its so nice to be happy and know who your true friends are.

My birthdays soon... Fucckk yah